I’m posting sooner than I expected to be. I need to get this off my chest. Maybe it will help you, too. Here goes:
I’m sad. I’m tired. I’m stressed about school, despite how soon it will be over. I’m nervous about being nervous about my upcoming trip.
I see my entire life stretched out before me, this vast expanse of beautiful, crisp, clean canvas waiting for me to paint all over it in all my favourite colours. That’s not scary for me; it’s empowering.
What is scary for me? I’m afraid of my mental illness holding me back from achieving my dreams.
I guess it’s normal to fear that something that’s limited you for a long time will limit you for the rest of your life. When I was Selectively Mute, I thought I would never be able to speak in public, despite how hard I was working to cope with my anxiety. Maybe this is the same sort of situation. I’m scared I’ll never be happy and successful because I’ve spent a long time not being happy or successful.
This self-fulfilling prophecy stops here.
When I am aware of them, I will question my unhealthy thoughts, my Borderline tendencies. I know I won’t catch them all the time and I know I won’t always be able to control them (afterall, Borderline Personality Disorder is chronic). But trying counts for a lot. I can do this.
And whatever you’re struggling with, whether it’s your (or a loved one’s) mental illness, a big change on your horizon or something completely different, I know you can do it, too.